JUST GET A LIFE...

News this week that Jazz FM are to be investigated after receiving complaints just bring out the worst in both me and human kind for that matter. We all know it was a mistake, something that should not have happened and for us in the business, it was also quite funny. Jazz FM bosses apologised, moved on and that was it. No-one died, it was a simple mistake and if anyone was offended then they were no doubt contacted by the station with apologies. Sadly, some just go direct to OFCOM. 

I have started to believe that we are surrounded by people who get some weird satisfaction from complaining. They know what buttons to press to get people all worked up. Life is busy but not for these sort, they always have time to complain. I have always taken the view that very few (if any) go out of their way to offend anyone. I believe firmly that no-one has a right NOT to be offended.  If you don't like something just switch off, switch over or move over.  Surely life can't be so bad or so serious for people to get that upset about anything. 

I have never complained about anything that is free to air or free to me. You turn on and there it is, bursting out of the speakers.  It is emotional, creative, most of the time absolutely brilliant and great company.  

When I ran radio stations, I used to employ someone to deal with people who complained. I was banned from getting involved as I once told an idiot on the phone to just sober up and get a life. We then had to employ a brilliant person called Jeff who's best trick was simply to ring up the person who complained and speak to them - often for over an hour. My rule of thumb is simple:  If you have crossed the line, say sorry and move on. If you can defend it, say so and move on. If the complainer is an idiot, defend it to the bitter end and move them on to OFCOM. 

In my after dinner speeches, I tell the story of how people used to ring me as John Myers (when I was MD) to complain about me as John Morgan.  The fun I had with that I could fill a book with. 

When I controlled Jazz FM, the regulator called me to chat about the music we were playing. They wanted me to define Jazz music.  I said quite clearly - it was anything with a trumpet!  Now that is worth getting complaints over.

The reality is that we live in a world where complaints have to be dealt with seriously.  The truth is that most are a pain in the bum and nearly ALL are from people who really should no better.   Give a complainer what they are worth... and not a jot more. 

I am sure I retired...

What a week! Monday started with the release of my report into BBC Local Radio and I can now get on with life. Over the following 24 hours I received over 60 emails from staff which was nice along with a number from colleagues, friends and just media observers. However, one email did make me smile a lot. It simply said... Dear John, you are a cu*t. I have no idea who sent that but for a moment I thought I had 40 suspects!!  Later in the day, I had chats with Radio WM before meeting up with a producer, to chat about a new programme idea that might be interesting. Before you ask it is NOTHING to do with any proposal for Radio England.  

Tuesday featured more BBC local interviews, a number of meetings across London and then I met up with Steve Hewlett for a recording of The Media Show on R4. Steve is absolutely the best media commentator in the UK right now. He knows his stuff, you have to be on your toes and he is extremely well connected. On top of that, his programme this week in particular was a brilliant listen especially with regard to Leveson and Murdoch. 

Wednesday we progressed the plans for The Radio Festival and The Sony Awards. Also on the day, I had one of those embarrassing moments to forget. A friend was in town so I met up with them for an early lunch. Then just as I arrived back in the office, my phone went from another friend asking where I was?  It seems I agreed to have lunch with him so I had to hot-foot it for another bite to eat.  Two lunches in one day! 

On Thursday I was in Salford for a face to face meeting at the BBC Local Radio Managing Editors conference.  I was first up and to be fair to everyone there, it was a good debate and I enjoyed it a lot. Later on, I was up to see my mum in law who was celebrating her 90th birthday. Soon I was over to Stranraer for the ferry to Belfast.  An open top tour bus of Belfast with typical Irish humour in full flow. The best line was... The Titanic. It was alright when it left here! There was time for some fun on the golf course at Lough Erne - just as the sun was going down and I can recommend this place. Wonderful hotel and golf to just stand back and thank god you are alive. Right now, I am at the equally impressive Galgorm resort for more golf, spa stuff and earlier today I had a trip to The Giants Causeway via the coast road that is a must to do, especially when the sun is shining. Giants Causeway was good but busy, windy, cold and I to be honest, I have now been there and done it! 

This coming Monday, we have a Radio Academy event at U105 in Belfast. A Q and A and a chance to meet radio folk this side of the water.   For those who can, please come along to say hello. 

Right now I am listening to entries for the Bauer Radio Awards. Linda is in The Spa... doing whatever they do in those things.. 

Breakthrough - nothing compares I say

I spent an enjoyable hour this week talking to a friend about jingles. My lovely wife Linda would have hated it, but for me it was an hour well spent. It is true that anyone suffering from an addition has to admit they are addicted in the first place, especially before any treatment can work. I admit to being addicted to jingles and I ask for no treatment whatsoever. I have tons of them. I can spend an hour listening to some of my old JAM jingle CDs, just for the fun of it. My absolute favourite jingle package of all time would be 'Breakthrough' from JAM and WPLJ.  Nothing compares to that moment in time when this jingle package changed the face of hundreds, if not thousands, of radio stations across the world. Hear the full WPLJ package here

I could argue about jingles all day long.  I admit to liking cheese, old fashioned ones, jingles that sound a little outdated are simply not outdated to me.  Jingles cemented my love of radio, it was one of the reasons I was so excited about the medium, it is why I loved radio in the first place. The first time I got a jingle with my own name on, I nearly wet myself.  My absolute favourite memory was when I was at BBC Radio Cumbria. We used to take Radio 2 through the night (and they should still do that by the way instead of 5Live) and the late Ray Moore was on the early show.  He provided me - and I can only assume many others - with a link that said.... And that's it from me from Radio 2 and now we join John Myers at Radio Cumbria. Oh my goodness, I had arrived and I still have it somewhere in my garage today. 

Jingles make a station. A station without jingles or brilliant imaging is not a station I would like to run. Of course, life is all about opinions. One person's jingle package is anothers nightmare. I like that. It is why footballers are good with one manager and crap with another. It is why one radio station works under one PD and dies a death with someone else. At Red Rose I remember commisssioning from the legend that is Steve England a package for our AM Gold station which were 'sound-a-likes' of old 60s songs made into jingles. They worked, but it was the FM Breakthrough package I loved more. So much so, when I left Red Rose to launch CFM in 1993, I used the same breakthrough package again. It was hugely powerful and I can name each jingle by the opening 2sec burst. 

The truth is Jingles is an art form. A lot of people can do them but there is a period of time when some are at the top of their game. We have jingle companies today that are breathtakingly good. But I have yet to hear a  package that made me as bloody proud to run a station (just for the sheer excitement of this jingle package) as I did back then in the late 80s and early 90s.  When I launched Century, I asked JAM if I could do the Voice Over for some of their UK Jingle packages.  Instead they used Keith Pringle.  Whatever happened to him! 

My son thinks I love cheese too much. I tell him he does not love jingles enough.  In a future Radio Academy podcast, we will explore jingles and imaging along with sonic logo's, which are so very much under-rated if you ask me. I might even organise a 'jinglefest' night where we all bring one jingle and get everyone to vote on 'The Best'. However, right now, if I said you could only take one - and I mean just one - jingle package on a desert island with you, what would it be?  

I bet you would remember my package more.. .. but I am open to debate.

STOP PRESS. I hear someone is soon to launch a 24hour non-stop jingle radio station.  Love that!!

Orginal content... where is it then?

I was listening to Stan Park's interesting interview with Les Burrage this week. Les is the CEO of Roberts Radio and a very likeable man who has strong views about parts of the radio industry.  In this podcast, recorded at Maple Street Studios in London, he believes there is far less original content on the radio today, than there was 10 years ago. I have pondered about that a lot this week. There are hundreds of community radio stations right now often contributing fresh and interesting content, student radio is awash with talent and is often very original, listenership to radio is up across the decade, podcasts galore showcase tons of new thought provoking stuff (although is that radio?). There are more radio stations from The BBC, some DAB offerings are wonderful and the list goes on. He is right that there are less ILR stations around these days but most of those that have gone should not have been awarded in the first place. However, commercial radio has more listeners now even with fewer services so it must be doing something right. The industry is hardly suffering in this respect. 


RAJAR suggests that in areas where local names have disappeared, network shows are increasing audiences so while you could say original 'local' content could be reducing, the audience don't seem to mind. To me the excitement of radio is in discovering great content. I like to dip into music brands now and again but I mostly tune in for content and perhaps companionship alongside that. Presenters who engage me, shock me a little, inform and educate, bring colour to my grey world are always welcome to wrestle with the odd thought in my head. So if Les is talking about mainstream FM radio stations of the past, he might have a point but surely in this world, radio is much more than that. 


To change his view on this, where would you suggest we point Les to look? 

Hear the podcast with Stan Park right here 

I'm a winner...

The efforts of some radio stations amuse me greatly. Today, one was running a promo informing me about a HUGE cash prize that was up for grabs tomorrow morning. It turns out this huge cash prize is nothing more than £250. Now, forgive me for being ungrateful - and I know we would all like to have that cash in our back pocket - but I doubt anyone would alter their listening habits for this promotion. If that is the best they can do, I would give up. 

The lottery has mostly killed it for big money prizes on the radio and anyway, surely everyone understands by now that 'the mechanic' is always much more important than the prize itself. In the past, I have given away houses, cars, holidays and cash by the lorry load. Some of the ideas were so good we were convinced it was a winner. Sadly, the reaility is much more sobering. You can never quite measure the success of any competition in pure audience terms. Programmers will convince themselves it has worked, especially if it has blown most of their prize budget. They will point to the mountain of texts, record social media feedback, full phone lines, on-line traffic but in reality it makes little difference. What usually happens is that after all that work, all that effort and all that promotion, audience figures come in and you will be lucky if you have stood still. Some even go down. Radio stations do well when they do the same thing with good regular promotions and features in a style that fits into their overall station sound. Mind you, stupidity can also be a talking point.

I once had no budget for a competition but I needed a feature so I gave away a free car service from a garage called Jennings Ford. The idea was simple. I  just recorded a car door being slammed shut. To win the service, listeners had to call and name the car that door belonged too. I used this to get people to air so I could have fun with them. However, you would be amazed how many people were sure they knew that car. It got people talking. I was once shouted at in the street by a man who was convinced it was a Ford Escort 1.6L. In another prank, we got a fellow presenter to dress up as a Pink Pig and giveaway free sausages to people in the street. Some years ago, I loved hearing listeners compete on air with the late Norman Thomas for a prize of a Dobber in something called 'what have I got in my hand'. That was pure genius! Can you believe that I recently heard Ken Bruce give away a CD Wallet. With prizes like that, this competition they call 'Pop Master' is doomed surely?

Features and competitions make a nice change but if that is all you have to promote, you are in trouble.

What is the worst prize you have heard being given away...

Radio Bull..

I was on a plane for a couple of hours this morning, so I spent the time reading through all the PR statements of the last quarter (03/11).  I then compared those statements with the ones which dropped into my inbox this week. Honestly, if you find the time to do this please do. It is an eye-opener to say the least and underlines my campaign for an agreement to be put in place right across the industry on how numbers should be presented in PR terms.

This morning, I was chuckling so much that I nearly spilt my hugely expensive Easyjet coffee over the guy next to me. I read how just three months ago a certain breakfast jock was a hero, this time around he was not even mentioned. Could it be because they had gone down? We were then talking about share, this time share has disappeared. It's all about reach. Oh hang on, that's down too, but as we are up by 0.1% in hours, we have won. You have to hand it to these PR professionals because they are nothing short of brilliant. I also played this game myself so I am equally guilty for past transgressions but like everything else, we have to move on. It is not what people say, it is what they leave out that is confusing to so many. Today, for the first time in years, I read that we have a stunning afternoon show somewhere in our midst. Let's be honest, when did you last read a story about how good the afternoon show was doing? What have we missed? 

If this was TV you would see me now standing with my big hand up to the Lord almighty and the other on my blue peter badge. I promise from next quarter that I will ask a small team of smart, hardnosed, totally fair, unbiased individuals to a cheap lunch where we will read through all of the PR releases, review the numbers in reality while looking at everything in the round. Then we will award the UK RADIO PR BULLSHIT AWARD to the station or group that deserves it. I am all for being positive, but it is now positively ridiculous.  We have a world best radio product that attracts the love and loyalty of 92% of the population. We don't need to spin, we just need to be open and honest. 

Be brave. When it's good tell the world it's good, but when it's bad, just say so. We get it, we understand, we know you will come back strongly the next time. It's not your fault. We only look at Year on Year anyway - right? 

Rajar thoughts...

So another set of rajar numbers have come and gone.  PR firms and internal press darlings did their best to spin it all their way although it is rarely worth the effort. A lifetime in radio has taught me many things about audience figures.  The first is that audience numbers quarter on quarter, while interesting and occasionally heartstopping, can be a false picture. Secondly, the only figures worth looking at is year on year. Making decisions on anything else is just asking for trouble. It might give you a reason to go to the pub, but it is never a reason to panic.  

Advertisers will always use depressing numbers to make a few quid. They are generally quick to pay less and slow to pay more but it is the way in which we handle these numbers in PR terms that I find annoying. At one time it was just amusing. I think the time has come for action. We should all sign up to a code of practice. A simple template that displays the numbers year on year and in the same format, the same style. Either that, or we adapt www.rajarsmilies.com. A brilliantly simple way to cut through the crap. Just once I would love to read a station release that said "the numbers are bad, we deserved better and we can't comment as we are in the pub. When we sober up we will come back fighting'.  

When the numbers are up, stations go wild with claims of brilliance. That promotion worked, the marketing campaign hit home, that new presenter delivered for us. When it goes down, they think we won't notice when they swiftly switch their retric from quarterly figures to year on year numbers but it's good to know Dopey dwarfs under 35 are now listening for longer these days. The world has moved on, we know the game now and even though everyone plays it, most end up just looking stupid. The client knows the score, the press certainly do. Those who work in radio are not idiots.   

Anyone worth their salt will know that year on year is the only sensible measure worth forming a view on. This won't stop the John Plunkets of this world finding a snappy headline or two, but if we continue to mix and match at will, we simply devalue the currency. So you can look at what you like, panic if you want, celebrate if you must (and you should always find time to celebrate hard work) but audience figures generally have a slow build or a slow decline. For those programmers who have had a bad book this time around, just remember that talent is permanent, luck is not. I have rarely seen anything good come from a snap decision. 

Of course none of the above will stop the PD's who care from having a crap night.